A Smurfy Christmas
by Super Ninja Cupcakes
Summary: What happens when a memeber of the IDCA gets stuck babysitting a few smurfy friends for the holidays? a lot happens, ladies and gentalmen. a lot. First smurfs fic, IDCA idea from my Ice age seriese, Rated T for some language and maybe a little bit of violence involving gargamel
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Hi, I'm Jackie, and this is the story of the time my little odd job became the best Christmas I've ever had, maybe even the smurfiest.

See, I work for this little outfit called the IDCA. That stands for Inter Dimensional Children's Association. We send kids and teens into the world of books, movies, games, you name it. I'm not very important to the agency, even though I've worked there since my twelfth birthday two years ago, so all I do are various odd jobs. Once I actually had to go into the world of Shrek and be a witch that got killed in a scrap, and another time I had to be some twin earth-bender in avatar, I hated it. My mentor Lucile tells me they only do it 'cause I'm a rookie, and to not take it personally.

I know she's only trying to make me feel better, because her little crush, Ray, has an apprentice who's already got a pretty little set up in the ice age world. I think her name's Suzy or something. She's got a hubby and a fam in that world, last I heard they're all human. Anyway, I always wanted a full-time gig like Suzy, but so far all I got is a dumb job babysitting a bunch of bear-like thingies (Dr. Suess) every once in a while when Oncie has errands to run.

I can't say I don't like it. The whole deal of the job, I mean. I get to do things most kids can only dream of doing, plus I get paid and if I want, eternal life. I get to choose what age I am at all times because of this little crystal do-dad around my neck. Have I mentioned the magic amulets? No? Just one of the many perks of the job, mine's blue and shaped like a crescent moon. The CEO of the agency told me she made my amulet that shape on account of night being my best time. I only met her once, but she knew everything about me. That part was a _little_ creepy, but I got over it real quick.

Well, enough about the job, what about me? Well, I'm a skater, have red hair cut "emo" style, but I always wear a beanie over it. I've got green eyes and I wear huge cool-looking glasses. I wear hoodies, skinny jeans, and I listen to all types of music. I love the beach, I can surf but I prefer half-pipe, and I want to be a photographer. My dad is a hippie, so I call him by his first name. Well, not his _first_ name. His nickname is Don. His real name is Philmore, but he insists on Don. I call him Donnie most of the time. When I first told Donnie about the agency, he asked if I'd gotten into his "medication" but I proved it to him... I didn't do anything bad. Just levitated. Then he asked me if _he_ had more than his regular dosage.

So enough explanation, here's how it all started.

I woke up, stretched, yawned, and sniffed the air. Usually in the morning I smell either Donnie's medication or burning food. Today it was burning food. _Donnie must be cooking again _I thought, _that or he's trying to rewire something._ I got out of bed and headed down stairs. "Donnie!" I called, "You're gonna set off the smoke detector!" I opened one of the windows by the couch.

"Good morning to you, too, Jackie." Donnie laughed, sliding a pancake from the skillet to the plate. "Got work today, man?" he asked. Donnie calls almost everyone "man". He even used to call mom "man".

"Yeah," I answered, walking to the other windows near the table. "I'm sure Lucile has something for me to do today." I opened the window and fanned some of the smoke out with a magazine. "You gonna be okay here?" I asked.

"I'm sure I'll be alright, Jack." Donnie told me, "And make sure you call if you're gonna be out late."

"I will," I said, walking out of the room, "and remember, later we're gonna set up the Christmas stuff."

In a manner of minutes I was at IDCA HQ on Planet G. If you've seen _Battle Ship_, you know what Planet G is. Apparently they slaughtered all the aliens and used the planet for official IDCA biz a long time ago. On my way to the CEO's office (Lucile works there, she's the secretary of planet) (as apposed to secretary of state?) (get it) I saw Ray and Gaylord. Gaylord's one of the Top Nerds of the outfit.

Once I finally made it to Lucile's Office, she commented on my Christmas beanie and shirt. "Girl," She said, "you're the only person I know who can make Christmas clothes look good." Lucile looks like any other secretary; white, acrylic nails, fun outfits, cool glasses, bun hair.

"Thanks yo." I said, sitting down. "So, got any work for me today?"

"Let's see..." Lucile did a little type-and-swipe on her holographic computer. "Oh, here's something." She said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"You could give the Smurfs a home for the holidays. Seems Gargamel flooded their village, and everything got totally screwed up. Eliza, the CEO, told me I should let you have this one." Lucile tossed me a little navy blue box. It was about the size of a ring box, and had a pearly finish.

"What's this?" I asked, fiddling with the box.

"Your own personal blue moon portal. It's portal-able." Lucile started squealing with laughter, and my eyes rolled skyward. "Did ya get it?"

"I got it, Lucy." I grinned, "So how do you use this thing...?" I almost opened the portal-box, but Lucile stopped me.

"Whoa there crazy! Not in my clean office. If you open that thing it'll mess a lot up. Don't ya watch the movies?" it was only then that I realized something I should've realized before... Lucile sounds just like Fran Dresher!

"Okay, okay. I'll just go to the training room. You got a map or something for me?" Lucile threw me a scroll-looking thing, "Will they be expecting me?"

"Papa will."

"Eliza told him my name?"

"Ray did."

I briefly wondered if these guys knew my fangirl love of Smurfs would make me say yes, or if they just assumed I'd take the job 'cause I'm such a doormat. "How will I get back? I mean, I can't just leave the portal open. Gargamel might jump through again, and we all know how that worked out the first time."

"It closes once you're through, then the box ends up on the ground where the portal was." Lucile explained. "Well, enough chatta, go see the Smurfs, honey." Lucile smiled.

"All right, see you later. Don't work too hard, and merry Christmas!" I called over my shoulder.

"Ha! You know I'm a Jew!" Lucile laughed her words. "And I nev-a work." As I left I heard her saying into the phone, "Hi, Midge... Well, I got five people on hold, but I can talk..."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I made my way to the oldest training room I knew of, throwing a "Merry Christmas" here, a "Happy Holidays" there, but all the while I was thinking of how cool it was that I was gonna get to meet the Smurfs. I was gonna meet _the_ Smurfs. The _Payo_ Smurfs! I got more excited by the second; so excited that I started running, B-lining, jumping, skipping, almost spilling eggnog all over Gaylord, all out of my growing excitement.

When I reached the training room, I opened the door and saw Ray, punching and jabbing at a punching bag with fists wrapped in gauze. Ray's skinny, pale, has blackish-brown prince-Zuko hair and golden brown eyes. He's also a paraplegic. So his legs don't work, big whoop, that doesn't stop him from kickin' ass. "Hey," Ray said, "what's going on?" he wiped his forehead on his forearm and grinned his signature Ray grin.

"Just goin' to see the Smurfs. You?" I asked.

"On my way out." Ray pulled his T-shirt over his head and put a few things in his duffel bag. "I gotta get to a staff meeting." ray placed his bag on his lap and began to roll away. "Seeya." he called over his shoulder.

I shrugged and walked to a corner of the room where there was no equipment and slowly eased the box open. At first, nothin' happened. After a minute, though, there was a huge blue vortex (happy, Brainy? It's a vortex) in the corner of the room. The box was sucked from my hand, and I wondered how exactly to get through the vortex. The decision was made for me. The vortex actually expanded and engulfed me, it was really really fun going through the vortex. I actually surfed for a while before getting to the forest.

I got to the village by following the map from the Smurf root and the Smurf-berry bushes to Gargamel's castle to the village. I couldn't believe my eyes. When Lucile told me the village was messed up, I thought she was exaggerating, but she was understating. All the mushroom houses were destroyed, glass and smashed Smurf-berries littered every spot that wasn't covered in other debris.

"Oh my god." I whined, covering my mouth a little.

"Whoa!" I heard. Seems my pained cry had startled a Smurf- looked like Handy Smurf -and he'd started falling off a latter. I quickly caught him and lowered him to the ground. "Golly, thanks lady." Handy grinned.

"No problem." I smiled, "Hey, you know where I can find Papa Smurf?" I asked, bending down slightly.

"Why sure, he's right over the bridge at the mushroom circle!" Handy informed me, pointing off into the distance.

"Thanks buddy, and best of luck with the repairs." I said as I walked off in the direction Handy had pointed me.

I tried not to step on anything, which was challenging, considering all of the debris was very small. I only had to go about two yards until I got to the mushroom circle, and it was even worse than the rest of the village. Busted Christmas lights strung all over the place, broken ornaments, Christmas cookie crumbs, and sad little Smurf faces. I suddenly realized that it was much colder here than home. Myrtle Beach is usually warmer than anywhere, but this was really cold.

"Aaah!" I was startled by a small, frightened shriek. "Giant!"

I looked down to see that I had scared a Smurf. He was about the size of a regular Smurf; he had freckles, big ears, and a hat that was much too big for him- covered part of his face. The little guy ran, and my eyes followed him to Papa Smurf. He hid behind Papa, who quickly hushed him, "It's alright, Bashful, don't excite yourself so..." Papa calmed him down while I caught the eyes of a lot of other Smurfs. I recognized a few, Jokey, Grouchy, Gutsy, Smurfette, and Clumsy. I would have to learn the names of the other ninety-three.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" I asked, bending down so to get (almost) eye-level with Bashful.

Bashful hid behind Papa and muttered something that sounded like, "I wasn't scared..." but he looked horrified.

"I'm sorry," Papa Smurf said, "_Where_ are my manners? I am Papa Smurf. You must be Jack. I've been expecting you..." Papa looked me over, "But I was expecting a young man..."

"Oh, no, my name is _Jackie. _J-A-C-K-I-E." I spelled it out, "Ray must've called me by my nickname."

"Ah, yes, Raymon did mention that names were odd where you come from." Papa said, "Hey, his name has no "D" in it."

I chuckled, "Yeah, his dad was pretty weird that way." I looked around at all the Smurfs, looks of s adness, confusion, and a little anger on their faces. "Hi, everyone." I said, "I'm Jackie. I'm a friend of Papa's friends, and I'm here to help."

"How are you gonna help?" Grouchy scoffed.

"Now Grouchy," Papa warned, "Gather 'round, my little Smurfs. I have an announcement!" as the Smurfs collected, I saw how many there really were... a lot. "This is Jackie," Papa gestured to me, "and she's here to help us out. You Smurfs will be going to her realm for the holidays." now that provoked some gasps, whispers, mutters.

"Are you coming too, Papa?" Smurfette asked.

Papa's face fell, "Uh... no, Smurfette, I'm afraid I'll have to stay behind." When Papa said that, all the smurfs were silent. "But don't you worry, we'll all be together for Christmas. Smurf's honor." Papa promised.

It broke my heart to see their sad little faces, and the way Bashful still hid behind Papa. "Hey," I said, "chin up, guys." I couldn't think of anything else to say to them, what else could I say?

"That's right," Papa helped me out, "You'll love Christmas with Jackie and her parents."

The Smurfs began chattering amongst themselves, I couldn't understand a word to save my life, some Smurfs ran up to Papa and started taking to him in panicky tones.

After Papa had hushed them, Handy spoke up. "Well, who's gonna help with the repairs?" some of the other Smurfs agreed with handy.

"It will all be taken care of." Papa said, "Don't worry about a thing, Smurfs."

I sat and watched for a while until Papa had all the Smurfs calmed down. Once the group was settled, Papa gave each Smurf special directions. He said to Gutsy, "Keep a close eye on Bashful, you know how he gets." And to Brainy, "You've got to keep everything in order." And to Clumsy, "Watch your step."

After the goodbyes I opened the vortex, and had the Smurfs hold onto a rope so they wouldn't get lost... a really long rope. "Goodbye, Papa." I said right before we left, "It was nice meeting you!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Once we got back to the training room at HQ on Planet G, I had to figure out how to transport one hundred Smurfs from one side of base to the other. They have a rule about just poofing yourself home, you have to be outside or you mess up the Magic reception. Kind of like when you use a cell phone on an air plane. And even then, if you have too many people you gotta use alternate transportation methods. Anyway, I found out how I'd do it. I used my amulet to materialize one of those little red wagons, right, but this one had add-ons to it. This one wasn't just one little wagon, it was many hooked together. Plus there were seats, four rows and each little seat had it's own little seat belt. And this pimped-out-looking wagon, ladies and gentlemen, was the _original_ _Smurf blue_. I am talking back when they were a show on _Boomerang_ and they were this bright blue color. That is the color of this wagon ladies and gentlemen.

You're probably wondering how I could possibly muster the strength to carry one hundred little blue people- each of whom weighed around the same as three Washington apples -across the IDCA headquarters (mind you, this place is bigger than the _Mall of America_). Well, I'll tell ya. Let's just say- on the off chance any of you need to fill out a security report supporting my case -that I did _not_ see _any_ signs that prohibited rocket-powered skateboards and/or wagons. I am not kidding. What _did_ alert me that I wasn't supposed to operate a vehicle like that indoors, was the cracking sound I heard when I ran into Gaylord. Still not kidding.

Well we got out of the base in one piece, then there was just the matter of getting home. I technically had too many passengers with me to open a portal to my living room. At least that's what the putz at the security checkpoint told me. This place was worse than the frickin' air port. Damn magic reception. I do not get that crap. Anyway that meant we had to travel back by invisible space shuttle. Do you have _any_ _idea_ how hard it is to seat one hundred Smurfs so that it all works out, _and_ leave room for three other people including me? It's pretty hard. It's like I'm literally babysitting a hundred eight-year-olds. The _only_ two who didn't complain about who they sat with were Clumsy and Bashful... except of course for the few who sat next to Smurfette, but that's understandable.

I won't lie, the trip was pretty hard. All they did the whole way was talk about how un-smurfy this week would be without Papa. At one point Jokey made me laugh, he did the whole "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Orange" "Orange who?" "Knock knock" and so on, with the flight attendant. It was actually really funny because the flight attendant just kept going on with it. I think she's the original blonde from all the blonde jokes.

Well, the journey was hectic, but we finally made it to my house before dark. The smurfs wandered around the house, almost flushing each other down the toilets, eating soap, Clumsy almost falling off the mantle piece, Grouchy hating _everything_. I finally just had to call a meeting.

"Okay," I said, once I had all the Smurfs lined up on my ginormous couch, "I gotta lay down some ground rules, purely for your safety." I sat down on the foot rest, "Firstly, no playing in the kitchen... it's simply not safe. Sharp objects, hot stoves, Donnie _cooks_ in there. Secondly, please, _please_ don't hide in nooks and crannies where no one can find you because it worries me sick. Thirdly, don't go outside, we can't have anyone see you. Forth, if you see Donnie, my dad, do not engage him in conversation, odds are he's on his meds." I looked at them for a second, then said, "Okay, next order of business. What do you guys eat?"

"Smurfberries!" the Smurfs all said at once.

I shrugged, "Should've figured." I thought for a moment, then got an idea, "Say, Farmer, you could plant a smurfberry bush in my back yard if you wanted to, couldn't ya?"

"Well shucks, if you wanted I could grow one right in the middle of your mushroom, lady. Blue thumbs!" Farmer responded enthusiastically.

"Cool," I said, "Then we'll get right on that. In the meantime, I will get some smurfberries for the lot of you, and I will be constructive in making you a meal... even though I'm no chef, I'm a photographer." I realized then that I sound a lot like Emma Stone... "Okay, next on the agenda, what do you guys want for Christmas?"

The Smurfs all started to talk at once, but I quickly shushed them and said, "Okay, we'll talk about this later. Right now let's just work on where you guys are gonna sleep, okay?"

By the time we had everything worked out we had all the boys in the living room, sleeping in spare gloves, or old wool socks, or even oven mitts. I decided it would be best if Clumsy slept on the floor- for his own safety -and Smurfette in my room away from the rest of the guys.

*LINE*

The next morning was a rude awakening. It seems that my aunt Priscilla decided to "pop in" on us, and help us decorate the house. What woke me up was the sound of aunt Priss yelling, screaming, throwing a fit. At first I thought she was yelling at Donnie for the mess in the living room, but it sounded more like she were being ambushed by ninety-nine Smurfs... and hog-tied by one in particular.

I forgot to mention _who,_ exactly, dearest aunt Priss is. She's my mother's oldest sister, who always thought Donnie wasn't good enough for mom, and she's the meanest woman on the face of the planet- I am not exaggerating. She looks nothing like mom did; she looks more like an old, brunette, Ellen Degenerest with botox and librarian glasses.

I grabbed Smurfette and ran downstairs only to see that aunt Priss was tied up and gagged, Gutsy interrogating her, Bashful hiding under the foot rest, _all_ of them talking at once, and- Clumsy fell on me from atop the bookshelf, interrupting my thoughts.

"Sorry Jackie!" Clumsy said, clinging to the inside of my hood.

"Aw, _smurf!_" I yelled, and with that, everything went quiet. "Guys, now I gotta wipe aunt Priss's memory!"

Aunt Priss's eyes grew wide, she struggled and tried to yell- to no avail, because she'd been gagged.

"How, if I may ask," Brainy said, climbing onto the arm of the couch so to face me, "are you going to "wipe" your aunt's memory?"

I thought about it for a second, _if I say a flash-pen they'll just ask more questions..._ "Magic." I answered.

It wasn't easy to fix the Smurfs' mess, first I had to knock aunt Priss out, then put shades on her and walk her to her car, then take the shades _off_ her, then use my memory-wipe pen (kinda like on _Men in Black_, but they don't need to be awake, it's really cool) to make her forget everything that happened after she parked her car. Next I went inside, got the Smurfs into the attic,- it's a nice attic, we use it for a den -made it seem like no one was home, and taped a note to the door saying that Donnie and I had gone out, and would be gone the whole day. All I had to do now was wake her up, that literally took a snap of my fingers. I went upstairs to the attic and waited until aunt Priss left.

"Okay, that was way too close. Who tied her up?" I placed my hands on my hips and looked at all the Smurfs.

"Smurfily sorry lass," Gutsy spoke up, "but she did kick poor Clumsy halfway across the mushroom..."

I thought about it for a second, then sighed. "Are you alright, Clumsy?"

"I'm alright." Clumsy gave me a two-thumbs-up.

"Okay," I said, sitting down on the floor, "Okay, okay, okay." I rubbed my temples and tried to think. "New rule!" I said as soon as I got the idea, "We all sleep in here, including me, and no one goes downstairs until I've scoped it out first."

The Smurfs all looked really sheepish, and bashful hid behind his oversized hat.

"Hey, come on guys." I said, "You're not in trouble. I hate my aunt Priscilla." I smiled and opened my arms, "Smurf hug!" The Smurfs' faces all lit up. In a matter of seconds I was head-to-tow in Smurf hugs. "Come on Grouchy, Bashful, get in on this." I laughed.

Grouchy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, while Bashful turned red... which seemed odd, because I always thought Smurf blood was blue. After a second, Bashful joined the hug, taking a spot on my shoulder.

"Come on grouchy!" Smurfette insisted, "Join the Smurf hug!"

"I'm not much for hugs..." Grouchy said. I grabbed him and hugged him with the rest of them. "Not... happy..." Grouchy said in a muffled voice. I laughed.

"Now, who's up for some smurfberry pancakes?" I announce. The Smurfs cheered and laughed. I got up slowly, and the Smurfs dispersed. I noticed, though, that Bashful clung to me. I didn't mind, though. At least he was warming up to me. When we got to the pull-out stairs and I saw Clumsy about to trip and fall, I caught him by the pants and said, "Whoa, speed-racer. Why don't you just take a seat right here." I placed Clumsy on my right shoulder, opposite side as Bashful.

"Jackie, are we gonna decorate the mushroom for Christmas?" Smurfette asked me when we reached the kitchen.

"Yeah," I said, "Right after breakfast." I took hold of my amulet, and used it to make a few cartons of smurfberries and a LOT of pancake mix appear.

The Smurfs oooh-ed and ah-ed at my little magic trick, and brainy asked, "Wow, what matter of sorcery is that?"

I grinned, "One of a kind." _even thought there's about a billion other kids with amulets just like this one._ I thought. "Now, where's Chef and Baker?"

"Right here!" The two Smurfs I'd addressed seemed to appear out of nowhere on the counter.

"How are you with breakfast food?" I asked.

*LINE*

Well, it took fourteen medium-size boxes of Bisquick, eight cartons of smurfberries, and two hours, but soon enough everyone was fed. (you'd be surprised how much Smurfs eat... a lot) I ate a few myself, and I gotta say, smurfberries are fricking delicious.

"So, who wants to put up decorations?" I offered, holding a box of ornaments. "We can even put up the tree if you guys want."

The Smurfs all talked amongst themselves, and Clumsy- who was still on my right shoulder -looked into the box, and leaned a little bit too far forward... He fell in and a few bulbs smashed.

"Oh god, Clumsy." I set the box down carefully and looked inside. There he was, sitting there with his arm cut and shards of green and red glass scattered around him. "Oh, no." I picked him up carefully.

"Ow, ow, ow..." Clumsy winced.

I hissed at the sight of his wound, it wasn't that big but boy was it bleeding. Here was my confirmation that Smurf blood is in fact red. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed the first-aid kit and scrambled back to the bloody scene. Falling off my shoulder at the sight of blood, Bashful passed out. "Hefty, will you make sure Bashful's okay, please?" I said, not looking up. I looked through the first aid kit and found a small, purple band-aid. I set the band-aid down next to Clumsy and took out the disinfectant. I took a cotton ball and ripped off a tiny piece, then used in to stop Clumsy's arm from bleeding. Once it stopped, I put the band-aid on the cut, kissed two fingers, and placed them softly on said band-aid.

"Clumsy, you have to be more careful." Brainy scolded.

I didn't pay much attention to their conversation thereafter, it didn't concern me. "Okay," I spoke up, "Now that we're done with the injuries, let's get decorating." I smiled, "Okay, I'm gonna go get the tree out of the basement, Bashful you're in charge." as I turned and left I saw Bashful (now revived), red as a tomato, looking at the rest of the Smurfs. Hey, I wasn't gonna be gone that long.

On my way down the basement stairs, I received a hologram-message from my amulet, "Heyo!" it was Ray, "Smurfs drive you crazy yet?"

"Not quite," I said, leaning against the railing of the stairs. "but still, I think my mommy-instincts are making things boring. Do you realize Clumsy already got hurt? And Bashful fell out."

"Fell out?" Ray looked confused.

"Fainted." I explained, "Poor little dude. Any idea why he's so shy?"

"I dunno, man, I guess it's just in his nature. Like how Gaylord's a wussy geek." Ray shrugged. "Anywho I gotta roll, just checkin' in."

"Pff... roll." I laughed once Ray hung up, "Wheelchair humor."

I shuffled around the basement, looking for the light switch. I can never remember where it is... ah, there it was. About five feet from the door. I flipped the light on and saw all the old memories. Old clothes, sports equipment, random whatnots, and there was the old tree in the corner. Ours is one of those white Christmas trees, one that looked less frosty and more like it were actually carved from ice. I like it, it's light and seems... open somehow. Just like our house, with all the floor-to-ceiling windows ans skylights.

I dragged the tree upstairs, trying not to drop it down the stairs. Once I'd finally lugged it to the first floor, the Smurfs tried to help me get the tree stood up in the corner of the living room. By the time it was set up, we were all exhausted. (Mind you, this is a fair sized tree) To top it off, there weren't enough bulbs to cover the tree, so I had to work up a little magic. Magic being that I used my magic amulet to make a bunch of blue bulbs and trim appear.

"Okay, why don't you guys get started on the tree," I said to most of the Smurfs. "Baker, Bashful, Clumsy, and I will get to work in the kitchen."

"All right!" Clumsy exclaimed, "Smurfy idea, Jackie. I always wanted to learn how to make Baker's ginger-smurf cookies!"

I laughed, "We'll learn together, I can't bake to save my life." I smiled, then looked at bashful, "What about you, Bashful? You wanna learn how to bake ginger-smurf cookies?"

Bashful, with his hands behind his back, nodded like a bobble-head.


	4. Chapter 4

Do you realize how hard it is to make traditional ginger-smurf cookies for one hundred hungry little smurfs- plus saving some for Papa -even _with _an oven that could hold a prize turkey the size of a small child? Pretty tough considering the fact that Baker insisted upon doing everything from scratch with absolutely no substitutions. Baker won't let me include the exact recipe here, but let's just say we went through a bunch of ginger and smurfberry juice.

Gutsy was telling fairytales when Baker, Bashful, Clumsy and I got back to the living room. He spoke with vigor and excitement, and made crazy motions with his hands for emphasis. "Just then, with a single wave of his wand, right before me very eyes, Papa slayed the great beast! And it landed with a loud CRASH!" a few of the smurfs sitting in front of him flinched. "It was a good death. Papa saved us all, but no one was awake to see it but me."

"Impossible," Brainy argued, "We would've heard it from the village if Papa had slain a fifty-foot tall dragon."

A few shushed him, and Gutsy continued, "Anyway, the monster's grip on me was released, and Papa and I made it back to the village safely."

The Smurfs all clapped and whooped and cheered. I clapped with them and said, "Great story, Gusty. Cool ending."

"Why thanks a smurf, lass." Gutsy bowed, "Why don't you weave us a tale?"

I thought for a moment, "Okay, I've got a good one." I smiled, "Once upon a time, there was a village of little blue beings, three apples high. The little blue people were very happy in their little village, until an evil witch came and..." I didn't want to say flooded... "Set fire to all their little houses." I finished, "And the head of the little blue people sent his children off to a safe place until their village could be repaired."

The Smurfs were quiet for a second, "Is that it?" Asked jokey.

"So far." I answered with a smile.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the front door.

The smurfs gasped, and I hushed them, getting up to see who it was. Donnie. He'd been out to drop off a few early Christmas presents to his buddies. I breathed a sigh of relief, "False alarm, guys. It's just Donnie." I called to the Smurfs.

I opened the door, Donnie noogied me and said, "Hey, Jack, what's up man?" again with the _man_.

"Tellin' stories to a hundred little blue people. You?" I said back.

"Nothin'. You ate yet?"

"Yeah, we had dinner already. Why, you hungry?" I asked, walking back into the living room.

"Nah, I went to TGI Friday's with Bobby and Phyllis." Bobby and Phyllis. They're that one family you know that you... just wouldn't leave your kids with for more than an hour. Don't get me wrong, they're great people, just a little bit... well, you be the judge of this: Bobby is pretty much a regular stoner who has dreads even thought he's white with blonde hair, and Phyllis is one of those, "Save the rainforest" "Reduce reuse and recycle" "Don't take but one shower a week" chicks. Now their son Kevin, I worry for, because he's the only one of the three who's almost "normal" as people like to call it. He says he was abducted by aliens... I mean, he _was_, but the IDCA won't let anyone else believe that.

"Cool, how's their son?" I asked, sitting down. I motioned for the Smurfs to come out from under the couch.

"Kevin?" Donnie said, "He's fine... still on that alien thing, though."

I chuckled, feeling bad for poor Kevin. "Yeah, that kid's a trip, isn't he?"

Donnie laughed and yawned, "What time is it?"

I looked at the Invader Zim watch on my left wrist, "Almost eight thirty." I answered.

"I should get to bed. You little dudes don't party too hard, now..." and with that, Donnie got up and left.

I looked at the Smurfs, sleepiness on their faces. Aunt Priss must've really woken them up early. I hadn't even thought to check the clock, though that was understandable being as she was lassoed and gagged in the middle of my living room.

"So, you guys wanna go up to the den, start getting settled down?" I asked, some Smurfs nodded, others mumbled agreements. "Alright, let's go to bed then."

*LINE*

I woke up to my cell phone ringing the next morning, it was Trish's ring tone. Trish is Lucile's and my supervisor. She's basically our boss, except Eliza can veto anything she says. Which, I might add, I'm grateful for because Trish is a tenth-level bitch who hates my guts. I almost didn't take it, but then I realized she'd just keep on calling until either my cell burst into flames or I went deaf. I opened the phone and heard Trish going absolutely crazy. I didn't know what for, but I did know it was annoying, so I hung up and put my phone on silent.

Things are calm in the morning, so I got the chance to ask the Smurfs what they wanted for Christmas. They all told me the same thing, they wanted me to promise- _promise_ them that Papa would be okay, and with them for Christmas.

"Guys," I told them, "I give you a Christmas promise, a Smurf promise, a Christmas-Smurf-promise, that papa will be here for Christmas." that's right, it was only three days until Christmas. **((A/N: Am I overusing the word "Christmas"?))**

Beside me, my cell vibrated. How did Trish manage that?! I had it on silent! I checked the text message, it said: **YOU GOT THE SMURFS?! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY CASE!**

I grinned and text back: **She who wishes to conduct the orchestra must turn her back to the crowd.** A few seconds later, Trish text back some words that I do not want on this record.

"Wow," Brainy marveled at my phone, "What is this magical device?" he asked.

I started to explain it, but decided it best to say, "It's a communicator, like a magic mirror."

"Hey Jackie," Clumsy said, climbing the arm of the small sofa I was on, "What are we doing today?"

"You know," I answered, "I don't know. What do you guys wanna do today? We can do whatever you Smurfs want."

"Oh, you know what's fun, lass?" Gutsy asked me, swinging up onto the sofa with the blanket I was covered up with. "That music machine on the magic mirror Mr. Patrick had in his realm."

I grinned, "I got something even funner." I said. I jumped up and turned on the TV and the Wii. It took a little digging, but I found Just Dance 4 on the CD stand in a Motley Crue CD case. "You guys like to dance?"

*LINE*

Long story short: my white-girl dancing managed to break a lamp, bashful is a pretty decent singer, and I got called in to HQ.

When my phone rang I picked up and Trish demanded I Get to HQ right away, that it was _super_ important. "No, Trish, I can't come in right now okay?" she insisted, asked if I had a Smurf-sitter. "No I don't have a Smurf-sitter. That's not something people just have!" She suggested Lucile. "Okay fine, fine!" I hung up.

I called Lucile and told her she had to babysit for me. She asked why. "Well, I've been into the lion's den, then I got really scared when Trish called. I gotta go to HQ like, now. So I need a Smurf-sitter." She asked me what she'd do with them. "Well, I don't know. We've been playing just dance four since we woke up. You could do that."

Once I had everything sorted out- and Lucile had arrived -I took the first space shuttle to Planet G. It only took about ten minutes to get there, (even with all the traffic) but it felt like forever for some reason. No, I know why. Because I thought I was in trouble, or that Trish had gone and complained to Eliza about the Smurfs case.

I skated all the way to Eliza's office, and by the time I got there I was pretty panicked. With my board under my arm, I walked into the Smaller office right outside Eliza's where Lucile would usually be. This time I was greeted by Trish and Eliza- Trish tapping her foot and Eliza sharpening some kind of pirate's sword. Eliza kinda looks like the girl version of Jack Sparrow, and she's way into war, martial arts, elemental bending, and all kinds of other ways to hurt people. When you see her for the first time, you half expect her to pull out a fully-automatic machine gun and say, "BACKS AGAINST THE WALL B******" of course, she isn't _that_ insane.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it." I said, laughing nervously.

"You're not in trouble _this time_, Jacqueline." I hate my full name, but that's what she calls me by, "It's Papa Smurf who's in real trouble."

My eyes widened, "What happened? Did Gargamel get him? I'll kill that son of a-" I was cut off.

"_Jacqueline_," Trish said, "Let me finish." I rolled my eyes and waited for her to continue, "Gargamel did get Papa, and is holding him captive. He wants a vile of Smurf essence in return for him."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, in my life." I raised my voice a little, "He _has_ a Smurf that he can get the essence from! And he's only going to use the essence to trap the other Smurfs anyway!"

"_And_," Trish continued, ignoring me, "He gave us a deadline. We have to have the essence by three or he gets it from Papa himself." I waited a second, "You may speak now." Trish said.

"Pff, screw this. I'm going to rescue Papa. Screw the deal, screw Gargamel, screw... this!" I said loudly, "I have a plan already."

"You can't. If we break this deal, and he comes after you, it'll jeopardize the entire organization's safety." Trish griped, "Plus, how are _you_ going to save Papa from a dangerous evil wizard with no help?"

I concentrated on the image in my head, that girl who played red riding hood in well... Red Riding Hood. When I let out the breath I'd been holding, I was her. "This is how." I snapped my fingers, and in my hand appeared a little vial of blue stuff. Eliza and Trish looked at me funny, "It's cool-aide." now they got it.

"I cannot allow you to do this," Trish repeated, "You will get the entire agency compromised."

Seeing red, I got very close to Trish and said, "Listen, to me. I made a smurf-promise, a Christmas promise, a Smurf-Christmas-promise to a bunch of little blue people that Papa Smurf would be with them for Christmas. That is one promise I do not intend to break."

Things were quiet for a moment, until Eliza broke through the silence like a baseball bat through a windshield. "I like your moxie kid." She sheathed her knife, "I'm with you all the way. Let's save us a Smurf!"


	5. Chapter 5

You know, you can get pretty far on good looks, lies, and flattery. It only took a little "genius" this, and "smurfs" that to get into Gargamel's castle. Most of the talking was done by Eliza. She's better with the words and such.

When we got into the castle, I immediately noticed papa sitting in what looked like a little smurf-essence-extraction chair. He looked pale, he'd obviously been sucked dry already.

Eliza went straight to work with Gargamel. She went on and on about the products we were supposedly peddling all over the kingdom. When she said "plans for making your own smurfs" I got interested. I didn't know you could actually do that...

"All you need is this scroll." Eliza assured him.

I walked over to the smurf-essence-extraction chair, and tried to open the little hand and feet restraints. I couldn't get them open, so I located the chamber in which Gargamel had the essence. I didn't actually know how to do it, but I managed to get all of the essence into my purple water bottle. I was busted by Asriel, who jumped out at me and hissed. I yelped and jumped back, dropping the bottle into my basket.

"What are you doing?" Gargamel asked, turning towards us. I held my breath, getting really scared of what he might do. "Asriel, these ladies are our guests. Behave." I let out my breath, relieved. Thank god Gargamel's an idiot...

"Anyway, Mr. Gargamel," Eliza said, getting his attention back. "All I ask in return is the little smurf over there." she pointed at Papa, who's head lolled slightly.

Gargamel thought about it for a second, made a weird face, and then asked, "Are you sure? He's nearly dead."

I cringed when he said "dead".

"I am sure. In my village, smurf is a... delicacy." Eliza answered, making me cringe more. "Do we have a deal?"

Gargamel's gaze shifted to Papa, then to the clock, then back to Eliza. It seems that our time must've run out, because he smiled at her and said, "Deal!" then shook her hand.

"Misur?" I said quietly, pretending to have a french accent.

"Yes?" Gargamel replied.

"How do we get the Smurf out of his chair?" I asked.

Gargamel walked over to the essence extractor and pulled a key from his pocket. He carefully unlocked each bind and stepped out of the way. "He's all yours."

Eliza held out the scroll, which Gargamel snatched away happily, and picked Papa up. Papa groaned softly, provoking another cringe from yours truly.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Misur." I said on out way out. Asriel growled at us, to which I happily replied with a wink.

*LINE*

"What do you mean you can't help him?!" I yelled at Gaylord.

Gaylord grimaced and said, "Well, once the essence is gone, you can't get it back. Like childhood, or virginity."

I groaned, "Well is he gonna be okay?"

"He will regain his essence soon enough. Once his body has time to register the lack of it, it'll start to make more."

"Well how long will it take?" I asked, rather antsy.

"A few days. He'll probably be a little shaky for a while though, and he'll need constant care. Perhaps an IV of smurfberry fluids and potassium will help." Gaylord said quickly.

"I knew it." Trish scoffed, "I knew we shouldn't have put her in charge. She screwed it up just like she screwed up Monsters Inc!"

"Shut your chew hole Trish." Eliza answered, sharpening her Katana. She looked hardly amused, "If you're gonna be a bitch, do it outside where you can calm your tits with a cigarette.

"Eliza!" Gaylord said, "The children..."

"Mind the forth wall..." I reminded him.

"Oh yeah..." Gaylord coughed, then continued, "Anyway, the Smurfs will need to stay with you a little longer. And you'll have to take the shuttle home. No portal travel for Papa."

*LINE*

When I got home, the first thing I did was excuse Lucile. The next thing I did was get Papa's IV hooked up, while simultaneously explaining his condition to the Smurfs. Bashful and Clumsy stood on my shoulders, both of them asking occasional questions. All the other Smurfs sat around us, watching with concerned looks. Bashful clung to my hoodie nervously, and Clumsy bit his nails.

The most heartbreaking question came from poor Bashful, "Is Papa gonna be okay, Jackie?"

Now mind you, I don't often cry. But by this point I had the biggest lump in my throat, and I was biting back tears. "Yeah." I said, "I promise. Smurf promise, Christmas promise, Smurf-Christmas promise." I forced a smile.

After I had Papa all set up, Chef, Baker, and I started on dinner. Donnie was home, but I made him sit in the living room with Papa and the other Smurfs while the three of us cooked. Tonight was spaghetti and tomato sauce, with smurfberry pie for dessert. It took a while, and we went through quite a bit of food.

About halfway through the cooking process, Bashful came into the kitchen. He crawled up onto the trash can and started to say something. I guess baker didn't see him, because he jumped off the counter and onto the little petal thingy you use to open the trash can, which sent Bashful flying into my hood.

"Whoa!" I said, dropping the spoon I was using to stir the tomato sauce. "You okay there buddy?"

"Sorry Bashful!" Chef and Baker said in unison.

"I'm okay." Bashful said quietly, climbing up onto my shoulder.

"Everything okay out there?" I asked, continuing to stir the sauce.

"Yeah... but your Papa's weird."

I laughed hard at that one, "No kidding?" I said.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days till Christmas, and Papa was getting better. He regained some of his color over the night, and had the strength to sort of freak out on me and ask about a bazillion questions. I told him all about my clever little plan, and how I got all his essence back- and that it was in the bottom of my closet in the basket under my purple sweater. He asked how the other Smurfs were doing, if they'd gotten hurt at all. It was kind of a bummer to have to tell Papa that Clumsy had gotten hurt on like, the first day I had to take care of them. After the next few questions, I told him to get some rest, that he'd need it.

I figured me and Smurfette needed some girl time, so I had all the boys set up in the living room with a movie. I painted Smurfette's nails while we talked. She told me all about life in the village, and how it's a helluva lot better than being with Gargamel. "He wasn't a very good Papa." She said.

"I can imagine." I answered.

"I like your Papa. He's nice." Smurfette said, before blowing on her nails.

I smiled, "Yeah..." I put the cap back on the nail polish and took out a hairbrush. "Your Papa's a pretty cool guy too."

*LINE*

After Smurfette and I were done primping, and the boys' movie was over, we all sat in my living room and sang Christmas songs. I believe the boys were a tad distracted by the Barbie Christmas cocktail dress I had Smurfette in... Anyway, we sat in a circle, and I tapped out the beats on a bucket that previously held a bunch of extra large pickles. Ironically, the Smurfs knew just about all of the newer Christmas songs I belted out, like _Let it be Christmas_. My favorite was when we sang _Last Christmas I Gave You my Heart. _Smurfette and I lead that one, and we hammed it up.

I started on a new one directly after we finished. "Frosty the snowman, was a jolly happy soul..."

"With a corn-cob pipe and a button nose," Smurfette continued.

"And two eyes, made out of coal!" Clumsy added.

"Frosty the snowman, is a fairy tail they say." Brainy sang, that line fit him well.

I looked at Grouchy, waiting for him to sing the next line. He sighed and shrugged, "He was made of snow but the children know,"

"How he came to life one day!" I finished with him.

We all continued from there, "There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found, for when they placed it on his head he began to dance around! Oh, Frosty the snowman was alive as he could be-" I stopped singing when I saw a familiar furry face outside the window.

"Oh my god." I said under my breath, "Hold up guys, stay here." I walked over to the phone on the wall near the kitchen door, then dialed up Ray and waited for him to answer. On the third ring he picked up.

"Hello?" he said.

I whispered so that none of the smurfs would hear me. "Ray, I don't wanna panic anyone, but, I think I just saw Asriel outside my house."

In the distance I heard the shrill angry voice we all know and love yell, "Asriel? Are you dead?"

"Oh god, Ray, it's Gargamel!" I whispered.

"Shit." Ray cursed, "Get all the smurfs in one place and turn off all the lights. Where's Donnie?"

"He left about twenty minutes ago to have drinks with Bobby and Phyllis." I said quickly.

"After you get the smurfs in one place and turn off the lights, call him and tell him not to come home."

"Pointless," I said, shutting off the lights in the kitchen, "He said he'd be out all night."

"Good, we'll be there as fast as we can." Ray hung up.

"Smurfs!" I yelled, "Everyone huddle together, this is not a drill. I'll get papa!" I ran upstairs as fast as I could and picked up Papa from his tiny hospital bed in the guest room. I then proceeded to run back _down_ the stairs as fast as I could. "Is everyone here?" I asked, joining the smurfs in a huddle.

"Where's Bashful?" Smurfette asked.

From the stairs, hardly audible, I heard Bashful yell, "I'm here!" his foot was caught on a loose nail.

"Bashful!" Hefty yelled, and started to run over to him.

"No, Hefty stay here." I grabbed him by the pants and brought him back to the huddle. "I'll get him." I got up and ran over to the stairs. I detached Bashful from the nail and started towards the other Smurfs. I was almost there when the most bright blue light exploded in the huddle. When it was gone, none of the Smurfs were left except Bashful, and of course me.

"Jackie..." Bashful clung to me.

"Shh..." I said quietly, backing into a corner.

It was all silent for a minute, until I heard the sickening sound of a window busting. My breath caught, and my heart pounded in anticipation. I ever so slowly slipped Bashful into the incredibly large pocket of my zip-up Christmas hoodie. He crawled in an didn't make a sound. I zipped the pocket up almost all the way, going slowly so not to be heard.

"Oh Jackie..." Gargamel. He was right on the corner next to me. "I believe you have something of mine..."


	7. Chapter 7

I held my breath, hoping something would happen, something would give, someone would notice me and Bashful weren't there. Damn.

"Good job Asriel." Gargamel cooed, taking me roughly by the arm. "We've found our little essence thief."

"I don't have anything of yours!" I yelled, thrashing to get out of his grip.

Gargamel sneered and Asriel yowled, "You lie, peasant girl."

I thrashed some more, "No, I'm not! I don't have anything that belongs to you!" I yelled, "Let me go!" I demanded.

Gargamel pointed his wand at me, "Tell me where the essence is!" he shouted.

"Your breath smells." I replied snottily. "When's the last time you brushed your teeth?" I stuck out my tongue.

"Tell me where the essence is!" Gargamel reiterated, shouting louder this time.

"Say it, don't spray it!" I said, stalling. I knew that if no one or nothing was going to help me out, I'd soon have to take matters into my own hands. I spotted one of Donnie's... ern... medical devices... bongs... on the in-wall shelf beside us. I guess Asriel could like, read my mind or something, because he furiously swiped my left leg. He clawed all the way down my leg, ripping my jeans and making me bleed. It hurt like hell, but I choked down a scream and reached with my free arm for the shelf. In one swift motion, I grabbed the bong, swung for Gargamel's head, and knocked him out.

I wasted no time with Asriel, I stepped on his tail before grabbing him by the scruff of the neck. I walked him into the kitchen and took one of the chip-bag-clips, then attached it to his scruff. This is known as the "cat off switch" which my cousins use on their cat Sadie all the time.

I took Gargamel's wand before tying him up and sitting him against the wall. The next thing I did was take Bashful out of my pocket. The poor baby was shaking scared, on the very brink of a panic attack. I turned the lights back on and tried to calm him down. It took a few minutes of deep breaths and a hot cup of green tea, but he was okay.

I called Ray a moment later, "Dude get over here NOW!" I shouted into the receiver.

"What happened?" Ray asked.

"Hmm, let's see." I said in mock casualty, "A wizard broke into my house, assaulted me, sicked his psycho cat on me, and scared poor Bashful half to death!"

"I mean, what happened _after _that?" Ray said calmly. I could just _feel _ him examining his fingernails and rolling his eyes the way Lucile does when she's on the phone with Trish...

"Well _after_ that, I hit Gargamel in the head with a bong- broke it, by the way. You're paying for that. Then I incapacitated Asriel and tied Gargamel up. I'm holding his wand right now." I answered.

"Ah." Ray said. _Ah?! Is that all I get? Ah?!_

"Ah?" I repeated.

"I'll be right over." Ray said. Then. He hung up. On me.

I groaned and sat down next to Bashful on the couch. "How do you Smurfs deal with this guy on a regular basis?"

Bashful shrugged and sipped his tea.

*LINE*

In a matter of minutes there were dozens of kid-soldiers in my house, taking pictures of the crime scene, asking me dumb questions, and poking Asriel to watch him twitch... mind you I did say _kid_ soldiers. They took the wand from me and hauled it away along with Gargamel and Asriel.

"So, what happens now?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.

"You say goodbye." Ray answered simply.

I looked at him, "Forever?"

"No," Ray answered, "Just until July."


	8. Chapter 8

The IDCA relocated Gargamel and Asriel to the location they're supposed to be in the next movie. That left the Smurfs with me for a few more days before they had to leave. Christmas, as I've said, turned out smurfy. Quite smurfy indeed. All the smurfs, including Papa, were good and well by Christmas morning. Since all Papa's presents got destroyed in the flood, I worked up a little magic.

I know what you're thinking- but no, I didn't use my magic necklace to restore or make any of the presents. I hand-made, or scavenged my room for all the presents. It took me all night Christmas eve. The list includes: a new dress for Smurfette (sunflower pattern). A paper airplane for Grouchy (if you don't get it you obviously missed the Christmas special). A new set of specs for Brainy. A taste of his own medicine (and a gift card... I'm not heartless) for Jokey. A set of matching "kiss the cook" aprons for Baker and Chef. And a big, red scarf for Bashful. He loved that thing, and he hid behind it a lot. You should see it, it's the cutest thing ever.

And, of course, Ray got Donnie a new bong for Christmas. He should've just replaced it anyway... but nevertheless, Donnie loved it. And Ray had to endure one of Donnie's bear hugs, which are never pleasant on Ray's part.

We were just about done opening presents when Clumsy said, "Wait, Jackie! There's one more!" he and a few of the others, including Jokey and Hefty, ran to the back of the tree. They pulled out a long package, wrapped in a light blue box with a navy ribbon. The tag said, "To Jackie. With love, the Smurfs." and there was a tiny extra in red at the bottom that said, "And Donnie!"

I laughed, "Aw, guys. This is really cool."

"Open it!" Gutsy urged.

"Yeah, go ahead." Clumsy added.

I nodded and started to take the ribbon off. I'd definitely be using this as a bracelet from now on. I took the lid off the box, and moved away the tissue paper. I literally cannot describe to you the feelings that overcame me when I saw what was inside that box. It was a brand new board, smurf blue, hand painted wheels (signed, then Elmer's-glued over, by all the Smurfs), and the bottom covered in stickers. One sticker in particular, had to be specially made, said: CAUTION, BASHFUL ON BOARD. I could tell bashful didn't know they were going to do this, because he was approximately the color of his scarf, which he pulled up over his mouth. All the other stickers were music stuff, apart from some of the graffiti-style Smurfs stickers.

"Oh my gosh you guys." I kinda laughed, kinda cried. "Smurf hug!" I shouted.

About a half second later, I was covered by smurfs. Donnie joined in and was then also covered in Smurfs. Papa told me, after the hug dispersed, "Don told us you'd like this. That you'd use it to, 'shred'?"

Now this made me laugh, just the way he said it, "Yeah, I love it. And I'll definitely be 'shredding' with this very soon."

**Author's note: DONE! Sorry it's been so long but I had writer's block ^^' but it's here now! Look out for the sequel, that'll be out after the next movie comes out :)**


End file.
